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Hello. My name is Barbara. Please don’t ask me for my last name. It isn’t important, and for reasons which will become obvious, I don’t want any of you to know it. I am here because I have to tell somebody what happened to me before I go crazy, and I can’t bring myself to tell anybody that I know. Here, I can remain anonymous. Here I can talk without being seen. Maybe it sounds cowardly, but here on the internet, I feel safe.

I guess I should tell you a little about myself, just so you’ll know the kind of person I am. Maybe it will help you to understand me better. Maybe it will help ME to get started with my story. This isn’t exactly easy for me, even over the net.

Let’s see. I’m 27 years old. I’m five foot five and weigh one hundred eighteen pounds. I have brown hair and eyes. I’m single and live alone in a one bedroom apartment. I work as an administrative assistant to the Vice President of a medium sized manufacturing facility. I work out at the gym three times a week and take night courses at the Community College two nights a week. I also paint and draw in my spare time. I had a steady boyfriend, but that ended after…..well, it ended. You know how it is. Or maybe you don’t know. Jeez! I’m starting to ramble. I guess it’s time to get to the point. Come on, Barbara, let’s go! Sorry guys, but this is harder than I thought it would be.

Okay. Here goes. I was raped. There! I finally said it! That is the first time I have used the word ” rape” to describe what happened to me. Oh, I KNEW I had been raped, but it was still hard to SAY it. I had always thought that it just COULDN’T happen to me, you know? Oh, no. Not to me. That’s what I thought, anyway. That’s what I thought until the night my nice, safe little world was shattered.

It was a Friday night last April. I left work at five o’clock after a long, hectic week, tired and worn out. I decided to stay home, have a light dinner, read a little and then go to bed early. That was all I wanted. A quiet night at home.

I reached my apartment around five-thirty. After checking my answering machine, I went to the bedroom, kicked off my high heels and put my purse away. I then went to the kitchen and poured a glass of Merlot to sip while I prepared dinner. After eating a small grilled chicken breast and tossed salad, I took a long, hot bath. I spent quite some time soaking in the tub, just letting the tension drain from my body. Following my bath, I slipped into a white baby doll nigh tie, poured another Merlot, and curled up in the arm chair in the living room with a good book. I read till around ten o’clock, and then decided to go to bed.

Back then, I would normally have no trouble going to sleep, and that night was no different. I drifted off within minutes of curling up in bed. I have no idea how long I had been asleep or what time it was when I was so suddenly awakened. It was too dark to see anything. I was confused and disoriented. It took me a second to realize that someone had jumped on top of me. The absolute terror I felt at that moment was indescribable!

I was pinned to the bed, a hand covering my mouth so I couldn’t scream. I tried to fight, but my wrists were grabbed and held together. I felt a rope looped around my wrists and pulled tight. My arms were pulled above my head and the other end of the rope was tied to the headboard.

The one on top of me took his hand away from my mouth. As I tried to scream, he stuffed a large ball of cloth into my mouth. He then forced a length of cloth between my teeth, wrapped it around my head, and tied it off. The gag was crude, but effective. He then used a second length of cloth to blindfold me.

At the same time the first one was gagging me, the second one, despite my kicking, looped a rope around my right ankle and tied it to the bedpost. He then repeated the process with my left ankle and the opposite bedpost. I was now completely helpless, tied spread-eagled to my own bed! Do any of you know what that feels like? I mean being totally helpless? If you don’t, believe me, you NEVER want to find out!

The one who had been on top of me climbed off the bed. I heard a light switch being thrown and could just detect a lightening of the darkness behind the blindfold. My entire body was trembling with fear as I listened to them rummaging through the apartment. I prayed to God that this was just a robbery, that they would take what they wanted and leave me alone. I guess God wasn’t listening that night. Must have had something better to do.

I heard one of them come back into the bedroom and felt him sit on the edge of the bed. The situation would have been terrifying enough without the blindfold. Not being able to see made it even worse. I jumped as I felt his hand touch my leg. As he began rubbing the inside of my thigh, I tried to pull away, but couldn’t. The ropes held me tight. I whimpered into the gag as his hand moved up to my crotch. He began fondling me through the silk of my panties. His other hand went to my breast, squeezing and rubbing it. Can you imagine what it feels like emotionally to be abused like that? Scared, helpless, frustrated. It makes you feel sick, like you want to vomit.

He took his hands off of me, but I could still feel him sitting on the bed. I heard a metallic click, and then something cold touched my cheek. My blood ran cold as I realized that it was the blade of a knife that was tracing a path down my cheek and along my throat. I froze, not daring to move a muscle, but I couldn’t control the trembling that shook my body.

The blade moved to my chest and cut first one, then the other strap of my nightgown. I felt his hand grasp the neckline of my nightgown, then heard the sound of material being cut. In less than a moment, the nightgown was sliced down the front. He pulled the remains out from under me and threw it on the floor.

The son of a bitch must have been sadistic, the way he played with that knife! I hope the bastard really enjoyed terrorizing me while I was tied down and helpless! Big man!! I hope that someday somebody gets a hold of him and……never mind. Sorry that I went off on a tangent, but you can’t know how….God I hate them! Calm down, Barbara, calm down. Anyway, I felt the knife trace a path across my breasts, moving across both nipples as it did. It then made it’s way down across my stomach, moving from my left side to the right and back again as it went. I felt it slide down to my left hip, felt it slip under my panties, felt it slice the silk of the panties. The blade moved across my stomach again, slipping under the material on my right hip and slicing that side open as well. What was left of my panties joined the remains of my nightgown on the floor.

I moaned into the gag and shook my head from side to side as he began running his hands over my body. I felt him lean over me. He took my left nipple into his mouth and began chewing and sucking on it. One of his hands moved down across my stomach, down the outside of my thigh to my knee. The hand then moved to the inside of my thigh and slid up towards my crotch.

My trembling increased as I felt his fingers parting the lips of my vagina, rubbing and exploring me. I felt nauseous, crying and groaning as he continued playing with me. I tried twisting away from him, but there was no escape. He began forcing a finger up inside of me, pushing against my dryness. I moaned in pain as he forced his finger all the way inside of me, and then started pumping it in and out while he continued sucking on my breast.

After a few minutes, I felt myself getting wet. I couldn’t believe that I was starting to lubricate myself! I felt a greater shame at that moment than I had ever felt in my life! I didn’t enjoy what he was doing to me! I HATED it! I was TERRIFIED by what was happening! Yet my body betrayed me, doing what nature had intended it to do.

The unknown, unseen stranger continued his abuse, moving his mouth to the other breast as he shoved a second finger into me. He continued moving his fingers into me, adding a third finger and then a fourth. The pain was terrible as he attempted to force all four of his fingers into me. I screamed into the gag, snapping my head from side to side as I tried futilely to escape from his hand.

And then he took his hand away. His mouth left my breast. I collapsed on the bed as I felt him stand up. And then I heard his zipper being pulled down! I cried and shook my head ” No!” as I listened to him undressing. I felt that unique feeling in the pit of my stomach that comes with extreme fear and revulsion as I felt him climb back on the bed and position himself between my spread legs.

I kept telling myself that this couldn’t really be happening, that it must be some kind of terrible nightmare. But it wasn’t a nightmare. It was all too real.

I felt him crawl on top of me, rubbing his hands over my naked body and sucking on my breasts. He moved farther up on me and I felt his one hand move between us. He guided his penis to the entrance of my vagina and began penetrating me. I was screaming into the gag and trying to twist my hips away from him as he drove himself deeper into me. I could feel him stretching my insides as he penetrated farther into me. And then I heard him moan with pleasure as he forced himself all the way into me, his body crushing me to the bed.

I was crying and moaning as he continued abusing my body. He was stroking himself in and out of me, pulling almost all the way out before driving back into me as deeply as he could. I felt sick to my stomach at this invasion of my body. I felt stark terror mixed with the greatest frustration I had ever known. I didn’t want this animal inside me, didn’t want him using me, but I was helpless to stop him. You have no idea how terrible it can be to feel totally helpless, to be completely under another persons control!

I could feel the sweat beginning to bead on my forehead as his pace increased, driving into me harder and faster with each stroke. I was moaning in pain and frustration as he continued pounding into me as brutally as he could, over and over again. The blindfold was soaked with my tears. I felt the sweat running down the side of my face and into my hair as the rape continued.

I lost track of time. I didn’t know how long the rape had been going on when I heard him groaning and moaning in my ear as he approached orgasm. I could feel him swelling inside of me as he drove into me with ever increasing ferocity. And then I felt him throbbing and bouncing inside of me, felt his hot sperm shooting into me and coating my insides. I groaned in rage and revulsion as I felt the warmth of his sperm spreading through me. And then he collapsed on top of me, panting from his exertions.

After a few minutes, he pulled out of me and crawled off of the bed. The cool air began drying the sweat on my naked body as I felt his sperm begin to leak out of me and onto the bed. I heard him get dressed and leave the bedroom. I lay there helpless, crying and moaning, terrified of what might happen next. The feeling of the knife at my throat was still fresh in my mind. Then I heard someone enter the room, heard the sounds of clothing being removed. The second one had come for his turn with me.

I lay helpless as I felt him climb between my legs, felt him lower himself on top of me. He guided himself to my still wet vagina, causing me to moan as he easily slid himself all the way into me. I couldn’t believe this was happening to me, couldn’t believe that a second person was using me like a piece of meat. I felt that I was nothing, just a piece of meat with a wet spot for these animals to deposit their sperm in. Why was this happening to me? What did I do to deserve this?

He was moving on top of me, crushing me to the bed as he thrust himself into me again and again. He was moving slowly, taking his time. Oh God I wanted him to hurry! I just wanted him to hurry and finish so it would be over! But he continued moving slowly as he sucked on my breasts and rubbed his hands over my body. The minutes ticked by endlessly as he continued raping me, continued abusing my body. It seemed like an eternity before he finally began increasing his pace, driving into me at an ever increasing rate.

He was panting and groaning, kissing and licking my face and neck as he continued driving himself into me. His excitement was growing and I could feel him swelling inside of me. I didn’t care. I wanted him to finish, wanted him OUT of me! Still he continued driving into me. His endurance was unbelievable! Over and over he pounded into me, driving as deeply as he could into my battered body. I was jumping and twitching in pain with each vicious thrust. And then, with a deep moan, he began spraying my insides with his sperm. I could feel it’s heat, feel it spreading and mixing with the sperm from the first rape. I heard him sigh as he shot the last of his load deep inside me. Like the first animal, this one too collapsed on me and lay panting while his breathing returned to normal.

Eventually, he got off of me and began dressing. I could hear when he finally left the room. Now that both of them had raped me, would they leave? If they did, what would they do with me? Would they kill me? Would they leave me tied naked to the bed? Oh God! Suppose they decided to take me with them!! The uncertainty was as terrifying as the rapes had been.

I tried to listen, to see if I could tell what they were doing. I heard a cabinet open, heard the sound of glass on glass, heard a rattling sound that it took me a minute to place. Ice cubes! Ice cubes being dropped into glasses! And the cabinet! They had found the bottle of scotch I kept in the kitchen and were fixing themselves drinks!

I lay there for over an hour, listening to the low murmur of conversation from the kitchen. I couldn’t tell what was being said, but every now and then I would hear them laugh. They were drinking and having a real little party while I lay helpless and terrified in the bedroom! Can somebody tell me what kind of filth would do something like that? I mean, hadn’t they hurt me enough already? Did they have to keep on terrorizing me? I started to wonder if that night would ever end.

Then I heard a sound. One of them was coming down the hallway. I heard him enter the bedroom, and once again listened as he got undressed. The thought that he was going to rape me again was sickening! I couldn’t TAKE anymore!

I froze as I felt the blade touch my throat. I thought for sure he was going to kill me. Then, for the first time, he spoke. He told me that he was going to take the gag off, and that if I screamed, he would cut my throat from ear to ear. When he asked if I understood, I nodded my head ” yes’.

He untied the strip of cloth and removed it from between my teeth. Then he pulled the wet ball of cloth from my mouth and threw it on the floor. I started to beg him not to hurt me, but he backhanded me across the face and told me to shut up.

I felt him climbing onto the bed, but this time he didn’t move between my legs. Moving higher, he knelt over my face, with one leg on either side of my head! He rested his buttocks on my chest and squeezed my head between his thighs. He began rubbing the head of his stiffening penis back and forth across my lips.

I didn’t want him in my mouth. The very thought of it caused the bile to rise in my throat. But he told me if I didn’t open my mouth, he would kill me. He said he would cut my wrists and let me slowly bleed to death. I don’t know if any of you have ever been terrified, I mean REALLY terrified, but at that moment, I was. As much as I hated myself for doing it, I opened my mouth and let him slide his penis in.

I was crying, making the blindfold even wetter than it was, while he moved his hips forward and back, sliding himself in and out of my mouth. He grabbed the hair on each side of my head and began pulling it forward and back, just the opposite of the movement of his hips. This wasn’t a blow job in the classic sense. He was simply fucking me in the mouth, using my mouth just like a vagina!

I was crying and gagging as he drove deeper into my mouth. He was pushing the head of his penis back into my throat, pulling my head towards him until my nose was pressed against his stomach. His penis filled my mouth, causing my jaws to ache from holding them open for so long. He continued pumping himself in and out of my throat, fucking my mouth as brutally as he had my vagina. My body was twisting and jerking, my arms and legs pulling against the ropes as it became more difficult to breath.

I heard him begin to groan as his pace increased even more. I felt his penis stiffen and begin to throb. He growled deep in his throat as the first wave of sperm shot from his penis and splattered against the back of my throat. I was choking and gagging, my legs and arms fighting against the ropes as he continued filling my mouth and throat with wave after wave of thick, hot sperm. I felt it coating my tongue and the roof of my mouth as it ran back into my throat. He pulled my face against his stomach and buried his penis in my throat, squeezing my head between his thighs as he shot the last of his load into me. I was choking, unable to breathe. I had no choice but to swallow. My stomach began turning and I had to fight down the urge to vomit.

He sat on my chest, holding my face tight against his stomach while his penis slowly softened in my mouth. Finally, after what seemed like ages, he pulled out of my mouth and let my head drop onto the bed. Climbing off the bed, he retrieved the wet, dirty ball of cloth from the floor and stuffed it back into my mouth. Again forcing the long strip of cloth between my teeth, he tied the gag back into place.

I heard him get dressed and leave the room, then the low murmur of conversation. Maybe ten minutes later, I heard the apartment door open and close. Then silence. I guess once had been enough for the other rapist.

I lay there all night and into the next day. Somehow, after hours of trying, I managed to loosen the rope around my wrists and free myself. I immediately went to the living room and double locked the door. I then crawled into the shower, set the water as hot as I could stand it, and sat there crying while the water beat against my skin for most of the afternoon.

I never reported the rape to the police, so the animals who did this to me are still out there. I’m so afraid that they will come back. Since I never saw them. I won’t even be able to recognize them if they come around! I still have nightmares about what happened. The slightest noise at night terrifies me. I even have to sleep with a light on. Can you believe that? Twenty seven and I need a night light! And I still ask my self ” Why me?” . What did I do to deserve being treated like that? Can anybody tell me?

Anyway, that’s the story of the worst night of my life. I don’t know if any of you will understand, and I guess it doesn’t really matter. I couldn’t STAND to keep it bottled up any longer. I just HAD to tell somebody! God, I hope it helps. I really hope it helps.