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It is a memory that will never leave me. I go to sleep with it every night. I wake up with it every morning. It is always in my mind, just beneath my surface thoughts. I try to keep it pushed as far back in my consciousness as possible. It is a memory of terror, pain and frustration. It is the memory of the night that I was raped.

It happened on a Tuesday night. I was taking art classes two nights a week after work at the local Community College. I’m a secretary by profession, but drawing has always been a hobby of mine. My class that Tuesday ran from 7:00 to 11:00 PM, but I stayed late to talk with my instructor about a project I was working on. Little did I realize what that extra half hour would cost me.

Having come to school straight from work, I was still dressed for the office in a white satin blouse, black knee length skirt and black high heeled sandals with straps around the ankles. As I left the building, I realized that nearly everyone was gone already. The parking lot, which had been jammed with cars when I arrived, was now nearly empty. The click-click of my high heels on the pavement emphasized the quiet and loneliness of the lot.

As I said, the lot had been jammed when I arrived, and as a result, I had to park on the far side of the lot, next to the woods. The night sky was cloud covered, cutting out all moonlight and making it extremely dark. Under the trees, where I was parked, it was even darker. He must have been in the bushes near the rear of my car, but I never saw him. Not until it was far too late.

I had my car keys in my hand as I reached the car. I had just slipped the key into the lock when I heard…..something. I began to turn, but it was too late. He must have run right into me, driving me face first into the side of the car hard enough to stun me. Quickly, before I could even grasp what was happening, he grabbed my left shoulder, spun me around, and drove his fist into my stomach. I never felt such pain as the wind was knocked out of me and I began to collapse to the pavement.

Grabbing the front of my blouse, my attacker pulled me back up and slammed me back against the car, pinning me there with his left forearm across my throat while he drove his right fist twice more into my stomach. My head was spinning with the pain of the attack and the lack of air. I was helpless as he began dragging me back into the woods. That’s when the realization hit me of what was going to happen and the pure terror took over my mind. I tried to fight, tried to break away, but he was too big and too strong. I was crying and begging him to leave me alone, begging him not to hurt me, but I may as well have been talking to one of the trees.

He must have felt we were far enough into the trees that he wouldn’t be disturbed, because he suddenly threw me to the ground. The back of my head hit hard enough that my vision exploded with stars. Before I knew what was happening, he was on me, tearing my blouse completely open, ripping my bra apart and forcing his mouth onto mine. I tried to scream, tried to fight, but he hit me twice in the face, hard enough to bring back the stars.

I was terrified that he would kill me if I tried to scream again. I was sobbing, begging him to leave me alone as he pinned me to down. He was laying on my right arm, pinning it to the ground. His left arm was under my neck so that his left had was just above my left shoulder. He grabbed my left wrist with his right hand and forced it up by my shoulder so that he could pin it down with his left hand.

He continued trying to kiss me while he cruelly grabbed my breast with his right hand. He was squeezing and twisting roughly, trying to inflict as much pain as he could.

I begged him to stop hurting me, but he just ignored me and kept abusing me breasts. Then he dropped his head down, taking my left breast in his mouth. He began viciously sucking and chewing on my nipple while he ran his hand down onto my leg and began rubbing and squeezing my thigh. He pulled my skirt up around my waist and forced his hand between my legs, squeezing and twisting at my crotch.

I was twisting my body, digging my high heels into the dirt to try and push away from him, but it was no use. He grabbed the crotch of my pantyhose and tore them open, exposing the light silk panties I wore. I felt him grab the crotch of my panties and begin twisting and pulling, tearing the material open and exposing me to him. He had his mouth on my breast, sucking and biting hard enough to cause me to grit my teeth and moan in pain.

At the same time I could fell him forcing his fingers into my vagina. I kept kicking and pushing with my legs, twisting my body back and forth, begging and pleading for him to stop, And then he rolled on top of me, forcing himself between my legs. I couldn’t believe this was happening to me. Why me? What did I do to deserve this? I felt his hand move between us, grasping his penus and guiding it to the entrance to my vagina.

My terror increased, and mixed with the greatest sense of frustration I had ever known. I didn’t want this to happen, I didn’t want to do this, but there was nothing I could do to stop it. This animal was going to use me, he was going to enter me and use me against my will, and there was nothing I could do. And then he began pushing himself up inside of me, spreading me open and forcing himself into me.

I begged and cried while I tried to twist away from him. I could feel him moving deeper into me with each thrust. Then suddenly, with one violent, painful thrust, he drove himself completely inside of me. I arched my back in pain as a scream escaped my throat. He drove himself into me over and over, as hard and as violent as he could. My emotions ran through my mind in a confused jumble. I was terrified, never having felt so much fear in my life. I was so frustrated that I thought I would lose my mind; and I was in pain, feeling as if I were being torn in two.

I quit fighting. It was useless. I closed my eyes and prayed for it to be over. I cried and moaned in pain as he continued pounding into me, continued abusing my breasts with his hands, continued forcing his mouth onto mine. I could feel his weight crushing me into the dirt as he was grunting and sweating on top of me. I could feel him swelling inside of me as his pace increased. The violence of his attack increased with each thrust, driving deeper and deeper into me. He began moaning, approaching orgasm. I began begging him not to come in me, begging him to have that small mercy, crying and begging.

He grabbed me by the hair, bending my head back, forcing his mouth onto mine. He twisted my hair, forcing me to scream. As I did, I felt his tongue force itself into my mouth. He held my head pinned, his tongue intertwining with mine, as he began driving into me harder and harder, faster and faster. I tried to twist away, tried to push away with my legs, tried to break my mouth free of his, but it was no use. And then he made a final, brutal lunge into me and held himself there as I could feel him coming inside of me. I could feel the heat of his foul seed inside of me as he resumed moving, still squirting come deep inside of me with each vicious thrust.

Finally, he was finished. He laid on top of me for a few minutes before finally standing up. I laid there, unmoving, while he fastened his pants and belt, then turned and walked away. That’s when it dawned on me that he hadn’t said a single word.

I laid there in the dirt, my blouse and bra torn open, my skirt bunched around my waist, my legs spread open, my body completely exposed. My body ached from the abuse it had received. I don’t know how long I laid there like that, crying softly and wondering why? Why me? And I knew then that this night would be with me forever. I knew that this memory would never fade. It would be a part of me forever.